Chasing after a man: it’s an all-to-common twist on the traditional love story that snuffs out the spark of romance before the woman even really feels the heat. Or… perhaps she did feel the heat, and that heat was so amazing, she returns to the light, mad with passion, ignoring the dangers of the flame.
The typical step-by-step progression with excessive shows of interest on the part of the female is as follows:
- Boy meets girl. Here, everything is fine. The guy seems relatively interested, and so are you.
- Boy pursues girl. This phase is always exciting. “Does he really like me?” you think. “Yes… Yes, I think he does.”
- Boy plays aloof. There are many reasons why a relationship will suddenly go cold, especially in the early stages. The fact is, you never really know what is going on. If suddenly the romance seems to have been neutralized, that’s when the mind can start racing.
- Girl misses the attention. When the guy backs away, the woman can easily start to jump to conclusions. Sure, it’s possible he met someone else, or that he’s otherwise no longer interested. It’s also possible he’s just letting the relationship “breathe.” You don’t like feeling smothered. A wise man will give you space.
- Girl chases boy. If you allow the lack of attention to get to you, you can easily end up switching roles with your suitor and chasing him instead.
- Boy runs away. Don’t be afraid to show interest, but if you really start chasing, you shouldn’t be surprised if the man turns his aloofness into a departure. Relationship advise Rori Raye has commented on this phenomenon: the woman chasing a man straight out of the relationship. She notes that if you pursue the man, you often never find out if he is interested in you or not. It doesn’t give him room to fulfill his need to play the cat in the “cat-and-mouse game” of romance.
Be aware that the following four actions can be huge turnoffs to men
- Calling him first – Be sure to let him take the lead.
- Contacting him through any means – Be careful about texting a guy, sending him a message on Facebook, or pushing forward the relationship in any way. Let him handle development. Wait for it. It pays off to be patient.
- Asking him over or to an event – Let him handle any dates and activities.
- Gauging his interest – Don’t ask if he loves you, likes you, or otherwise what his feelings are. He can express his emotions if and when he so desires.
Now, Rori’s advice should be taken with a grain of salt. Every relationship is different.
Also, certainly, if the man doesn’t feel any interest coming from you at all, he’s likely to explore what he perceives to be greener pastures. What’s best is to watch your behavioral patterns and be aware of any proactive steps you take. If your light interest ever turns into hot pursuit, don’t be surprised if the man runs for the hills.
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By Kent Roberts